I decided to write after SO long, because, well, for the lack of a better word... I'm pissed. And I felt like I had to let it out somewhere. Don't worry, I don't think I'll be using any curse words. :)
So here it goes:
My brother is ... ugh ... ANNOYING. Today what he happened to do was to take the computer while I was using it (you see, we share a laptop, all 3 of us). Which got me mad at first since that's just plain disrespectful, and also, I can't even get distracted for two seconds because I get my stuff taken in my own house???
Then after I was already mad about that, my dad comes to defend me. "Good" I thought, at least there was someone on my side, right? No. You see, I have the bad habit to start... sobbing when I get extremely stressed out, or angry, or worried, or I feel like I'm under too much pressure. So, right at that moment I was so mad I started crying.
My dad hates it when I cry. He absolutely HATES it. I dont know if he thinks its a sign of weakness, or he finds me just pathetic or whatever, the point is... He was scolding my brother, he stopped when he heard my cry-snif (I don't even know what that is called) and looked straight at me with this like, I don't know, angry jabali face or something and told me "THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BE CRYING. DON'T CRY OVER THIS" like, in a super pissed voice.
Anyway I escaped from that madness into my room and he came a few seconds later, with the computrer and handed it to me. I sniffed again (I have to stop doing that in front of him) and he was like "and stop crying already!". Now, THAT was what got me pissed.
CAN I NOT CRY IN MY OWN HOUSE?! I'm still a girl for crying out loud, we're more sensitive, emotional. At least that's what I am telling myself. Like, I don't know if he has had more experience with my older brothers but I am a girl, I am a teenager for crying out loud, do I not get some pity?
... Okay, no. I don't want pity I just want him to understand. He has known me, his own dauhter, since I was born. Don't you think he should know why I am crying? I think he should...
Oh wait, this part: when he said "stop crying already!" I answered "I CAN'T help it, OKAY! I cry when I'm stressed out!" and he was like "Then STOP being stressed for crying out loud". And that line is what led me to this blog. Dont want me to be stressed, okay I'll bitch about you on the internet (on a blog that no one follows so far...).
Ugh,, guess I just wanted to put that out there. Maybe I AM pathetic, I dont even know.
Thanks for reading, and understanding (you know, if you actually understood). Comments / critiques are welcome, no curse words please.
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